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YASS

Who Am I Channeling On This S Moda Cover?


Just Jetlagged


#bts


Peek A Boo


   May 2015 was a manic whirlwind. I flew from NY to Seoul, to Melbourne, to Sydney, to Dubai to Paris, to Cannes, then back to NY. This all in 24 days. I worked every day except four. I'm sure girls fly and work as much as I do, if not more, but this...was definitely a tough one.

   We shot this story straight after Chanel Cruise show in Seoul. I was in bad shape, with insomnia and terrible stomach ache, and I had a call time the next morning at 6AM. I don't even remember much except trying not to cry because I was so ill. And especially because the photographer was so nice and enthusiastic about being in Seoul and capturing great moments...I felt disappointed in myself for being incapable of performing. That is the worst place for your mind to be. When you start spiraling down the self-loathing, self-pity hole, shit gets really dark and it's hard to control the situation. I try to avoid going there altogether, except when I'm over-exhausted--I get very emotional.

    The photos turned out lovely, though. I don't even look sick. Maybe pictures turn out better when you're fighting some sort of internal struggle. I don't know. I just want to be strong.


 

for M Le Magazine du Monde photographed by Pari Dukovic, styled by Yasmine Eslami. 
Makeup by Gregoris Pyrpylis